Hurting hearts

I had a summer schedule post going up this morning, but after hearing the news that one of my good high school friends lost her baby only a couple of weeks before his due date, I can't think about much else. This is following another close friend miscarrying weeks into her pregnancy... it just seems unfair and is a momma's worst fear.

But God looks fear in the face.

Psalm 27:1- The LORD is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?

Juliana's dad posted this to her FB page, and it could not be more true in where I know her and her family's comfort is coming from.

Jacob Kolt was born yesterday, and I know the family would covet your prayers as God works through this tragedy for the good.

Juliana, you are on our hearts and in our prayers, for I know you loved that baby boy with all your being.

Love you, friend.

xoxoxo

Saying goodbye, but just for now.

Ryan's grandfather (Pap Pap as the grands and great grands call him) passed Saturday morning, March 10th. Ryan has so many wonderful memories to cherish with his grandfather, and will always look back on those times with a full heart!

As we all know, it's so hard losing a grandparent that loves so big... and that's what Pap Pap specialized in... loving big.

He always greeted you with a smile and a hug. He especially loved the littles. :) 

Just like all of the sweetest great grandparents... he never got flustered or upset with the amount of noise or rough housing they were doing... he was just glad to be in their presence, and he told them. I'm not sure Burke or Hylan Marie ever left him without him making sure he had their attention, looking them in the eyes, and saying "You know... PapPap loves you." 

The world needs more of that, friends.

I'm also pretty sure that PapPap sealed the deal for me with Ryan. haha 

I remember Ryan telling me when we were dating that PapPap highly approved, and thought I would fit right into the family. Boy and I glad... The Coleman Family is one of a kind... and Pap Pap was a huge part of that. 

PapPap and his father are Burke's namesake. Pap Pap's middle name is Thomas, and his father's name was Burke. We pray that Burke carries the heart that PapPap had for God, his family, and his friends. 

Tomorrow, while we gather to celebrate his life and cry because we are going to miss him terribly,  we vow to never forget his gentle spirit. 

I'm pretty sure I'll never meet anyone as kind, and as in tune to others as he was.  

His one-liners that we promise to carry on, such as "Does a one leg duck swim in circles?" when the answer to a question would always be OF COURSE... or "Don't eat that... it's got kerosine in it." when he wanted NaNa's dessert all to himself, will make anyone smile on their worst day.

We will miss him so very much. Thankfully, through Christ, we will see each other again. Thank you Lord for the gift of eternal life with you and those that love you! We look forward to coming to His table to feast. 

xoxo, PapPap

Going home.

(*Please excuse the screenshot pics... #computerproblems)

I have not been able to blog for awhile... but it's nights like tonight, where this blog turns into more than just a keepsake or scrapbook, or a place to share with family and friends. Tonight it serves as my outlet. My place to share a hurt inside that I knew would come ... one day... but now that it's here, I want to push reverse on the life remote and bask in "the good ole days."

Last night, a little after 10pm, I got word that my Grandma Bartlett had a stroke, and by the sounds of it ... it was bad. After a second phone call, of urgency that she would not be coming out of this, I threw on some clothes and drove to Cullman. 

That drive.... while it was hard. I am thankful for it.  I had two hours to weep, think, and cry over a person that I love so dearly. 

Just this past week, grandpa and grandma called while I was bringing groceries into the house, and I missed it. As soon as I realized I had missed their call, I phoned back... and heard a very sad grandpa on the other line. He said he called to thank me for the Chickfila gift card that we had included in our present at Christmas, but I quickly knew that was not it (and once again realized he has a killer memory!). I asked about grandma... and his voice began to crack. Oh how at that moment I wished all I had to do was run up the one hill that separated our homes and give him a hug. He just said that grandma was not doing good, and she was talking about going home constantly... 

She has been talking about "going home" for awhile now. Much like her sister, Mildred and Dean. You see Alzheimer's is a strong trait in her (our) family... one that Dean's daughter is documenting and starting a forum to help others cope with this terrible disease.( Find https://www.mommahasalzheimers.com and follow Paula Jean and their amazing story.)

Of course, I called Jon as soon as we finished talking, and he was able to go over and catch up with them for an hour or so... medicine to their soul I know. 

That day... as I hung up the phone, I cried. I cried because I knew the time was coming, I cried because I hurt for my grandfather who loves her so, I cried because our time was coming to an end with grandma in it. And then what does God do... but plant hope and beauty...

This butterfly sat with me inches from it for about 10 minutes... Grandma filled my mind as I watched this beautiful sign from above.

While on the drive to Cullman to tell Grandma goodbye,

I was able to reminisce.

I have memories of rolling around in her living room floor with Jon and our cousins, Adam, Amy, Tyler, and Drew and having to watch The Days of Our Lives while we ate lunch at the kitchen counter. :)

I vividly remember grandma picking me up from the bus stop when I was in elementary school before we were old enough to stay alone. She would often be on the four wheeler (until that one time when we flipped it, and she was sent to the hospital with a broken wrist!).

I remember often joining in on grandma and grandpa's Hardee's breakfast morning with all their retired friends at 7am in the summer months while mom and dad went to work. 

I have long scar stretching down my right shin because I because I decided to ride down her red brick front porch steps.  

I can taste the Kraft mac-n-cheese summer lunches (Vienna sausage with peanut butter, if cousin Adam was there) to feed all the cousins quickly and happily. 

I can hear the laughter on her front porch while we watch dad, Uncle Greg, Uncle Herm and Adam putting on our 4th of July fireworks display in the front yard... and then having to pick up all the bottle rocket casings the next morning. 

I can taste her famous chicken and dressing and chicken and dumplings (which Tyler and I fight over till this day.)... and then there were the desserts. My favorites were homemade strawberry ice cream, and her strawberry dessert pizza.  

I can smell the honeysuckles growing behind her little house where my brother and I would pick and eat "the honey" once spring arrived and I remember picking and eating the sweetest muscadines from their backyard in the summer.

And through these childhood memories... I gathered why I loved her so much. Why EVERYONE loves her so much... why, although Alzheimer's took most of her memory before this day, all who loved her will have a hole in their heart when she passes,...

She put herself second. maybe third... often rock bottom.  The verse "He must increase, but I must decrease" John 3:30 immediately comes to mind... she exemplifies that proclamation. 

In all my days, I watched her do nothing to glorify herself. Instead, I watched her serve her family, friends, and lift others up. I NEVER ever heard her say a bad word about anyone. She would always be the listener, just laugh, shake her head, and study you intently... all while never passing judgment, and making you feel heard, understood, and loved. I know what you're thinking... HOW is she human? :) 

She had the patience of Jesus. Seriously... we packed 100,000 million people into her and grandpa's small home every Christmas of my life... and I never saw her get flustered. 

She handmade blankets for her GREAT grandchildren... and tucked them away long before they were ever in the picture... most likely knowing that Alzheimer's would take away her ability to crochet. 

And despite this terrible disease, she taught us all something in her illness. She is showing us there is HOPE and BEAUTY in the end. She is made whole, has her memory, and is just waiting to fix us chicken and dumplings when we meet her there. 

She was a Proverbs 31 woman... who was worth far more than rubies.

I promise myself that I will strive to be like her. "Decreasing" to let Jesus shine right though, is the model she has set before me. Giving me hope in what's to come.

I pray I make you proud, grandma.

You are" who I want to be like when I grow up," and

I can't imagine being any more lucky to have snagged you as my grandmother. 

So we "honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Proverbs 31:31

Go in peace sweet grandma... for you have heard "Job well done."

xoxo,

Jessica

Ethel May

Last Monday my precious grandma passed away, and ran straight into the arms of Jesus. 

She was 93, and passed away surrounded by my grandfather and some of her loving children... my mom being one of them. She was so very loved and had the whole family gathered together to honor her life this past Friday.

From left to right: My mom, Aunt Kathie, Uncle Glenn, grandpa, Uncle Dale, Aunt Sharon, and Uncle Bruce

And some pictures from back in the day... I just think she was gorgeous! 

I see so much of my mom in this picture. ^

And can we talk about her amazing sense of style!?! Look at those shoes and that gorgeous ruffle collar.

Funny little details come to mind when thinking back on my childhood memories spent at her house... like the fact that she loved potato chips and would always look for the ones that were rolled over because you got more chip in one bite. :) I kind of giggled to myself when I realized Hylan Marie's snack of choice (during the service... sorry for the crunching... but at least she wasn't squealing or screaming right?) was Lay's potato chips. You better believe I looked for her favorite ones in the bag to give HM (sorry... those rolled over ones make the most noise).

Or that she always had a sweet for dessert... most of the time her signature cookies were ready and waiting on us in the cookie jar. A lot of the time a pecan pie (she made the best!), banana pudding, or cake was also in the "back"...(the second kitchen where the best foods go to hide. :)

Her love for quilting and sewing, and the fact that she taught me the nifty little sewing trick of how to tie a knot in your thread using your thumb and pointer finger... it's kind of the only sewing tidbit I am able to do well. :)

The fact that if ever she drove, it was rare because grandpa was usually behind the wheel, That she drove with both feet and it was the most lurching car ride you have ever had. Lol

Our simple lunches of cheese or peanut butter and crackers (with whoop cheese) will forever be etched in my mind.

But mostly, I will always remember her sweet hugs, and look in her eyes that I could do no wrong.  Spoken like a true grandchild, right? :) I truly can't wait to hold her sweet hand again one day.

I love you grandma, and will see you again soon. 

Bittersweet week

We have been super busy enjoying the last week of life without a schedule.... 

but these last few days... my heart has hurt. 

On Thursday, I received news that a former student was killed in an automobile accident. Her name was Olivia Roberts. I have memories of Olivia's sweet, sweet smile etched in my mind. Anyone could easily see she was one of THOSE students... the one you would trust to return to the classroom and grab the keys out of your purse because you were already mid destination, or the one who would lend her last sharpened pencil to someone if they weren't as prepared as she was, and were on the verge of getting in trouble. 

She was SO smart. Really smart, but her kindness, respect, and BIG heart, are what I remember most about Olivia. The world lost an amazing young lady Wednesday night, and my thoughts and prayers have been constant for the Robert's family since I heard about the news. Her mother, Beda, was a mother figure to many of us young teachers at the school...and how I wish I could hug her neck right now and cry with her. Olivia will be missed beyond measure, but one sweet day the pain will go away and we will be in her beautiful presence again! And until then... her light will shine through the lives of those she touched. 

Love you Olivia.

And on Saturday night, our friend and children's music minister, LaKeisha, lost her mother. The family has let God take over from the beginning and it was evident since the first worry. What an amazing testimony that says about their mom in itself. I didn't know her, but she must have been amazing to raise daughters with such beautiful hearts! 

Please keep these families in your prayers. 

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~Revelation 21:4

Since I was super busy with band camp the past three weeks, we had some summer bucket list check marking to do before school started.

We've been to McWane with friends,

(And is this not the cutest thing ever? Sister loved this center. :)

we've been swimming with friends in their beautiful pool,

and Mary Grace and HM are so excited to match their hometown majorettes this fall with matching tape. :) #perks

and appointments of all kinds... 

First up, Monday was Hylan Marie's Endocrine appointment at Children's. I, along with everyone we've shared this with, have been praying for her! We are so thankful for the prayers, and are happy to report that her thyroid labs came back NORMAL! We are elated. However, we have some questions about how accurate her lab results were that even sent us into this panic in the first place. No one should have to worry over things that are not accurate! We will be going for a 6 month follow-up to make sure everything is still normal, which the doctors seem to have no doubt that this is the case.

To make the visit more about others and keep the mood light, SugarBeanScout personally delivered some hair pretties and HotWheels to those waiting in the lobby. It was a blessing. Burke loved handing out the "gifts" and when he ran out of people to give to, he waited at the end of the hallway for new people to walk in so he could hand them a surprise. :) I think we will always try to make this a habit when going to a "serious" and scheduled appointment. It took the kids' mind (even a little of mine) of where we were and why we were there, and we got the biggest smiles and blessings.

 (Sister, right before the blood draw. She was spinning "doll doll" around and around and thought it was the best thing ever. :) And would you believe she didn't shed a tear through the process?? Honestly, she watched the man (who was dreading sticking an 18mth old) and seemed totally into watching the process. Do we have a future medical student??)

We also had a dentist appointment last week.

(B's first x-ray... handled like a champ and loved seeing his "teeth bones" come up on the screen. :)

It was sister's first visit and she did great.

(She had just watched Burke get his teeth cleaned and was "preparing" hahaha... They were also watching a movie on the ceiling. :)

Success!

We also been getting excited about school around here... official back to school post coming tomorrow! 

I can't believe he's in Pre-K!

We met Burke's teacher on Friday morning and I was so impressed with her organization and classroom. I've heard nothing but amazing things about her and just know it's going to be a great year!

We quickly headed to our favorite local barber for that back to school cut!

We went swimming at the lake on Saturday. Ryan has been super busy at work, so taking a family day was much needed! Burke spent the night with Ree and PaPa the night before, so he was already there with "tousin Cade." :)

We arrived about 10:30, Ree packed us a lunch, and we headed to find "the beach." We parked and stayed and played for hours.  

Burke has really started to love the water. He's getting more and more confident in his swimming, and we hope to have one more swimming lesson with Mrs. Ami before school is full swing.

And then sister showing off her apparent cheerleading skills. ;) (Ignore floppy, soaking wet bonnet. :)

We had a great time, but today, Sunday, the kids showed signs of wear.... haha... HM had a fever all day and was pitiful. :( Ryan stayed home with her while Burke and I went to church and then taught Sunday School.  Then B was found curled up sleeping in our bed without us knowing late this afternoon (which never happens), but he seemed to just be extra tired. Hopefully he just needed some extra rest, because he is so ready for school tomorrow! 

I pray for my children and yours as they start a new school year!