First of all, I want to preface the actual reason for posting with this short bit I wrote last October and it's been sitting in the "draft" section for a long time now.
I miscarried our second baby at 12 weeks now, a week ago. When we found out my fears (I had cramping that morning prior to the visit and spotting the week leading up to it) of course we were completely broken. However I feel like besides that initial mourning and the sadness and emotion that overcomes you when you share bad news to the few family members that know, I have kept it together pretty good. But it's now, the times when I'm baking cupcakes by myself in the kitchen or trying to go to sleep without thinking of the being that was once alive and inside of me... these are the toughest moments.
I just really need your prayers right now. Please pray for God to comfort us, and acknowledge Him as the one who gives and takes away, and to come closer to Him through this loss.
I have no anger... just sadness. For I know that we are blessed beyond measure, and just as those good things come our way, we are not immune to sad things in our life either.
We only shared this information with our immediate family members (meaning our parents and siblings.) and my closest friends. Why share with the world now?
One, I want to instill hope and encouragement to other women that have gone or are going through the same situation. Some may be trying for their first child, second, or third. Trying to adopt... what ever the situation.
Just give it to God. That's it. So simple.
After finding out I lost the baby, I didn't do that. And sometimes, when I'm weak, and start thinking back on the situation I feel guilt. That I could have done something to cause it. But when I pray and LISTEN, I hear God telling me... "You didn't do anything. I love you. I loved your baby. He or she is safe with me." God has a reason for the good and lessons for us to learn through the bad. Praise Him through both.
Two, I choose to share because I am a mother to that child too. It may have only lived a short time, but it LIVED! I heard it's heart beat, felt the pregnancy symptoms, and began planning a fun way to announce the new addition.
I am PROUD to have carried that baby, even if it was for a short while.
And now, we are so excited that I am carrying a very healthy baby girl who is due January 14, 2015. We almost thought it impossible for a Coleman to have a girl... (seriously... not one as far as Ryan's parents can remember), but here she is in all ultrasound glory.
Hand in mouth. :)
We kept the pregnancy to ourselves, except our parents, until we passed the 12 week mark, mainly due to our experience last time, but to my surprise... no one except NaNa and PapPap were surprised!
Danielle and Wesley knew because Ryan mentioned he would be the only one at his house to eat the mercury ridden fish he caught while deep sea fishing...
Magan and Jon knew because the lady who measured me at the dress shop in Cullman told Magan I had mentioned I was pregnant and to order accordingly... (even after I advised her to keep that info. to herself)...
Stacy and William knew because Stacy overheard me mention I had pregnancy brain... (face palm.)
Tim and Shanda- Ryan decided to drive Libby instead of the Black Pearl (gotta love our car names) when Tim was riding with him to hit tennis that July 4th weekend, and low and behold the "new patient/pregnant mom" folder was sitting in the front seat I had gotten from my doctor the day before...
Aunt Sharon and Uncle Bill... my mom plain out told her.
Sooooo not knowing any of the above, I went on with the show. We decided to do it over 4th of July weekend. And if I may slip in a few fun pics from those days...
A surprise shower for baby Griffin (arriving in September)!
So, knowing it was my birthday weekend, we decided that when it was time for me to open presents we would have one labeled for Burke as well. He opened it... and revealed our "secret!" (Ha... joke's on us.)
There may have been crickets.... except for Nana and PapPap's squeals.
It is actually quite hilarious how it all went down, and I may have felt like an idiot after figuring out everyone knew, but it still made for some good pictures and relief to share the exciting news!
(First doctor's visit at 11 weeks)
And as of this Monday, it was confirmed that we are going to have a little girl! I can just see Ryan being wrapped around her little pinky finger and Burke taking on his big brother role so perfectly. I continually pray that this pregnancy goes well and that she continues to be as healthy as can be.
When I went to my 16 week apt. the nurse told me she thought it was a girl (no boy parts were showing themselves), but it was officially confirmed this Monday when I went in for a precautionary visit (due to my issues with Burke) where they said everything looked GREAT and we indeed would need to head out and immediately buy some pink! :)
I kept this info to myself all Monday morning (my apt. was at 8:30am)... as Ryan was at work and Burke was with Ree and PaPa. So what is the ONLY store open at that early hour?
I bought bows, balloons, and cupcakes because Burke loves a reason to "pardee" (as he says.) And that we did!
Ryan got home late... around 8:00. I had told him I had the information in an envelope and we were going to open it together once he got home... (yeah right). Burke ran to the door with a pink balloon in hand, and he was all smiles. He had to come out of denial (he was certain it was another boy) and embrace the fact of having a baby girl. We called our family, took some silly pics, and enjoyed a cupcake in honor of our little lady.
(Excuse the first two blurry phone pics)
Really? A girl?
Proud big brother
You kid dad... I'm supposed to get the first cupcake. Isn't this party for me?
I'm so glad to be out of the first trimester, when I felt just horrible and was so anxious. Now I'm starting to see my belly grow and plan for her arrive in 5 short months. I am already feeling her move... with those tiny taps letting me know she's there, and Burke loves to raise my shirt in all kinds of inappropriate places to see my "bellay." :) As for the grandparents, they are already on a mission to make her the cutest dressed girl in town. We are tickled to death to be adding to our family. "Coleman party of four" here we come!
Giving thanks always and for EVERYTHING to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ ~Ephesians 5:20